Teenage years are full of excitement including: bouts of independence, amazing discussions, testing limits, joyous gut wrenching laughs, asserting oneself, incredible insights, pushing boundaries, pride in how you child thinks things through, fear about how your child thinks things through, making decisions “my way!,” poignant moments you wouldn’t trade for anything, fearful nights wondering where she/he is when your child is not home at curfew,  moments of extreme pride in how your child copes with life’s adversities, and arguments you never imagined you’d have. It can be kind of like a roller coaster leading to someplace you didn’t know you were going with twists and turns you can’t foresee till you’re right on them.

I don’t know who has a more difficult time with teen years, parents or kids.  It’s truly such an incredible time of growth, sharing, conflict and hope.  Every parent I’ve spoken with has his or her share of stories about challenging times they’ve had and wonderful times they’ve had.  It’s the nature of the time period.  Hormones are raging, increasing responsibilities are looming, kids think they know it all and deep down they know they haven’t that many clues so it’s scary to them, but they defend against their fears with defenses of, “I know it all” and “I don’t need you.” Remember they do need you.  They need you to be their parent, to be there for them, to set and keep appropriate limits, consequences and boundaries, even when they’re taller than you, and they need you to know they still love you even as they have to push back in that last senior year of High School so they can leave and be successful out there when you’re not around. But when they are around – they still need you, no matter what they say. Perhaps the key is learning how to be present but not in their face, and to be interested but not intrusive.  If you can keep all that in balance, you can enjoy your last years of being a full time parent.