1)      Remember it is a teen’s developmental life task to test limits and find where he/she belongs in life.  It’s hard for you and it’s hard for them.  So remember that and relax a little during the challenging times

2)      A teen is pushing you away even as sub or unconsciously he needs you to be there, present and interested.

3)      Pick your battles.

4)      Have faith that if you gave your child a solid, respectful beginning with strong values and guidelines, your child will be okay.  You’ll see glimpses and longings throughout, hold onto those and build upon them.

5)      Let your child make mistakes and then discuss them respectfully asking your child what he/she wants to learn from them and how she/he would like to handle that kind of a situation differently if they should ever face it again.  Ask them if they’d like your ideas after they share theirs or if they truly feel lost as to how to handle it differently offer some suggestions if they’re interested.

6)      Avoid lectures by questioning and listening attentively and respectfully.

7)      Keep the lines of communication open.  Be interested and give feedback without shame based admonishments.

8) Try and have discussions where you both share your bottom line needs that feel so important to each one of you.  Look for the areas of need that overlap and talk about how you can both come up with a plan to fill each other’s needs.

9)      Set respectful limits, consequences and boundaries when necessary.

10)      Make those tough parental decisions and explain them as calmly as possible so your child understands why you’ve come to your conclusion. If you want to, or think it would be helpful, invite your child to discuss what you’re thinking and give his input. Consider the validity of your child’s input before coming to your final decision.