Theoretically the holidays are “supposed” to be joyful, intimate, and spiritual experiences where you share meals with loved ones, share stories, catch up, fill your children’s wish lists, and remember and share the generous, loving spirit that gave impetus to the holidays in the first place.  But in reality, it is often a hectic time with too many social engagements (which you wish were paced out over the year), too much money being spent on gifts your children really really want, too many stressful times with relatives who are less than ideal, too many “must go to events,” and too many extra calories that make clothes tighter than usual and probably affect your gumpiness factor.  How can you slow down the process, agree to a reasonable budget for gifts, say no to a social engagement or two, and enjoy your children and family instead of experiencing the next few weeks as an endurance test you have to somehow compete in and finish:

1.      Sit down in a quiet place and really be honest with yourself about your limits: social limits, financial limits, and emotional limits.  Write them down.

2.      Ask your spouse to please do the same.

3.      As soon as the kids are in bed, compare your limits, on paper, and see where they overlap.

4.      Agree to respect your overlapping areas and not overdue it this year.

5.      Where there is not overlap discuss with each other what your needs behind your limits are.

6.      Listen openly to each other’s needs.

7.      See if you can compassionately accept some of your spouses needs and visa versa.

8.      When you accept each other’s needs with flexibility and compassion, you’ll be in a better mood.  Your children will take their cues and follow your lead as you respect and hold to your own family limits this holiday season.

9.      When you recognize yourself respecting those limits you’ll have the energy you need to truly enjoy the events you choose to attend and the gifts you choose to buy.

10.  You’ll be pleased as you realize that by allowing yourself limits and respecting your own boundaries you’ll find yourself being more generous spirited with others.

These are the 10 steps you can take for enjoying rather than enduring this holiday season.