I know the social “climate” is changing in this country and different regions look at things differently, but maybe when we’re looking at the pros and cons of corporal punishment we need to look a bit deeper in terms of: a) what is the job of a parent, b) what do we now know about child development, c) what happens when the needs of children to be raised with respect, with a high self-esteem, and with knowledge and skills to make wise choices are met, d) how do children learn from their mistakes, and e) how does a young child grow up into a young adult who can live independently in a complex world? Do you want to correct a child or provide your child with opportunities to learn so next time a situation like the one perturbing you arises, your child has a better chance of making a decision you can respect. Do you provide your child with alternatives and options for how to deal with anger, fear, or hurt? Or do you tell your child by your own actions as a parent – ‘when you’re hurt, sad, fearful and angry take out the old “Shield of Anger” and make sure your “opponent” know you’re really angry!’ What does that truly teach your child? If you see the role of parent as the one who “keeps a child in line” and the line you’re keeping for your child is the one you want “enforced” then corporal punishment will probably make sense. But, if you see your role as parent to be a guide, a role model of respect, the one who teaches your child to communicate, then you will face more challenges to your creativity as a parent and you will raise a child who knows how to deal with his/her emotions, life’s challenges and knows how to learn from his/her mistakes and can make wise choices. So, which would you rather be: a) a creative parent who accepts that a child’s life tasks, especially in adolescence, is to explore the world, find his place in it, test the limits, see what happens with consequences, and learn how to live independently; or b) a parent who sets strict rigid limits and punishes a child for testing or going over the limits.If you chose “B” – please know that your child is likely to grow into an adult who will either be controlling of others or will choose a life partner who controls him/her because that’s what your child will be used to. That will feel “normal” to your child because that’s how you’ve always treated your child. But being controlling or controlled are not often happy states for people to be in. It can lead to domestic violence. When a person can stand, independently and know how to be a team player and how to listen and respond respectfully to others around him/her, now that is a person who will probably go through life in an easier, more comfortable and happier state.I think the issue of corporal punishment is bigger than hitting or not or spanking or not. I think it’s about time we looked at a paradigm shift in parenting from the old style parenting most of us were raised with where the parent was a know-it-all adult and you were the dumb, naive child who had to listen to the all knowing parent to parenting in a way that maximizes a child’s cognitive, social and emotional development. In order to maximize a child’s development , a child needs to be talked to in great detail from a very early age, his opinions need to be seriously considered and he needs to feel respected, loved, and appreciated. Parenting in this respectful ways also involves setting limits, consequences, and boundaries – but in a respectful way. The question becomes – are you willing to do what it takes to maximize your child’s potential in this lifetime or are you going to take the easier way, parent as you were parented, set those rigid boundaries, enforce them with corporal punishment, and raise a child who has not realized his/her full potential. Or will you challenge yourself as a parent to read about child development, try out new parenting ideas, do not rely on spankings, make them a non-option, and see how you set respectful limits without them. It’s not a matter of which way is the wind blowing. It’s a matter of taking the current brain science research, learning from past generations mistakes, making a parenting paradigm shift, and becoming a respectful parent today.Another aspect of the “corporal punishment” debate has to do with government involvement – should the government regulate “spankings?” The question. “Shouldn’t I be able to do what I want in my own home?” Is important to address here. The answer is, “Yes and No.” Sometimes people make unsafe choices in the face of privacy – and someone needs to protect children from abuse. So, yes, the government does have to make rules to protect the innocent, just as parents need to come up with guidelines for their family. It is unfortunate that some parents each year, in the name of giving a justified, “Spanking” in advertently get a surge of anger and beat their child to the point of endangering and even killing a child. Nobody sets out to do it, yet each year it is done. So does the government need to oversee this possibility? I’d say, as long as there is uncontrollable anger and rage in this world – Yes. Dr. Joanne Baum has a Service Mark on Respectful Parenting. She developed it over the last 30+ years of working with individuals, families and children. Dr. Baum’s new book, Got the Baby Where’s the Manual?!? won the 2007 IPPY Gold Medal Award in Parenting. For more information, please go to her web-site is www.respectfulparenting.com.
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