I can’t believe the holidays are over.  Although I must say, it doesn’t quite feel like they are all over because my son is still home from school.  We have one more week of “vacation,” but he and I are still both working this week.            I seem to have followed my own advice about prioritizing and enjoying rather than enduring the holidays.  We had some relatives in form out of town which was such fun and they were here over my birthday which made it even sweeter.  This is an exciting time in our family’s life.  My son is a senior in High School and has already heard from 2 of the colleges he applied to that he was accepted.  Now we begin the difficult task of deciding which is right for him.  And that’s one of those things that I want to keep my hands largely out of. It’s difficult to take the back seat sometimes, but so necessary so he feels like it’s his decision, which it is. It’s his life and where he wants to start the next four years should be his choosing.  He may not stay at the school of his choosing but it needs to be his decision based on what he wants to learn, where he wants to be, and what we can all afford…            I can remember when he was an infant and we’d be in grocery store.  At that point five-year-olds looked like giants to me. Now he’s at least 6 feet tall and about to leave home in a few months.  He’s already doing that wonderful emotional dress rehearsal for leaving home – you know the - I don’t really need you anymore – I want to be treated like an adult stage - as they get ready to launch.  I remember the - I want my independence stage well - although it was quite a few moons ago it can feel like it was yesterday and I was pushing my parents away, needing room to launch.  It’s funny to be on the receiving side of it. Funny and wonderful because he is ready and he has a great head on his shoulders.  I have to remember of course he’ll make some mistakes along the way, don’t we all, even today. It’s how human beings learn – make mistakes and the hope is at least you learn from them.            I think just as a kid’s task in late adolescence is to “launch successfully” our task as parents is to “let go successfully” and that means different things to different people. I wonder what it means to you?If we can have faith that we’ve raised them well, we’ve taught them what we want them to learn, we’ve helped them develop good decision making skills, they can assess a situation and make a wise choice or at least what seems like a wise choice and if necessary they can re-think it and try again, then it’s easier to let go. Sometimes I still need reminders from him and then I apologize and say, “It’s just cause I love you and I’m being a mom – I want you to listen to what I’m saying and then make your own decision.”  We both smile and we move on…What’s that expression, “Love makes you do crazy things?”  Sometimes love as a parent makes you hang on too tightly and sometime too loosely – we’ve got to juggle our parental love and find the balance…           

            Theoretically the holidays are “supposed” to be joyful, intimate, and spiritual experiences where you share meals with loved ones, share stories, catch up, fill your children’s wish lists, and remember and share the generous, loving spirit that gave impetus to the holidays in the first place.  But in reality, it is often a hectic time with too many social engagements (which you wish were paced out over the year), too much money being spent on gifts your children really really want, too many stressful times with relatives who are less than ideal, too many “must go to events,” and too many extra calories that make clothes tighter than usual and probably affect your gumpiness factor.  How can you slow down the process, agree to a reasonable budget for gifts, say no to a social engagement or two, and enjoy your children and family instead of experiencing the next few weeks as an endurance test you have to somehow compete in and finish:

1.      Sit down in a quiet place and really be honest with yourself about your limits: social limits, financial limits, and emotional limits.  Write them down.

2.      Ask your spouse to please do the same.

3.      As soon as the kids are in bed, compare your limits, on paper, and see where they overlap.

4.      Agree to respect your overlapping areas and not overdue it this year.

5.      Where there is not overlap discuss with each other what your needs behind your limits are.

6.      Listen openly to each other’s needs.

7.      See if you can compassionately accept some of your spouses needs and visa versa.

8.      When you accept each other’s needs with flexibility and compassion, you’ll be in a better mood.  Your children will take their cues and follow your lead as you respect and hold to your own family limits this holiday season.

9.      When you recognize yourself respecting those limits you’ll have the energy you need to truly enjoy the events you choose to attend and the gifts you choose to buy.

10.  You’ll be pleased as you realize that by allowing yourself limits and respecting your own boundaries you’ll find yourself being more generous spirited with others.

These are the 10 steps you can take for enjoying rather than enduring this holiday season.