The (parental) buck stops with you.  Ultimately, you’re the “responsible party” here, so make sure you agree with what you say and you can live with the consequences you decide. Also try to say it in a way your child can hear and be will be more willing to agree.  When you really look at why you’re saying what you’re saying, for example, “I want you home by 11:30 PM.” you may be abel to share your reasons and that may make it easier for your child to agree.  For instance, the simple sentence, I want you home by 11:30″ or “You better be home by 11:30″ may really mean, “I want you home before I go to sleep so I know you’re safe and I can sleep well.  When you get in at 11:30 and get to bed soon after that you’re delightful to be around the next day because you’ve had enough sleep.  So part of the reason I want you home at 11:30 is because I don’t want to deal with a grumpy kid in the morning.  Please be home by 11:30 so you can have a good time wherever you’re going, I can have a good night’s sleep and we can both enjoy each other tomorrow.  Thanks so much for cooperating in all this.”  Which one do you think your child would rather hear?

            Teenage years are full of excitement including: bouts of independence, amazing discussions, testing limits, joyous gut wrenching laughs, asserting oneself, incredible insights, pushing boundaries, pride in how you child thinks things through, fear about how your child thinks things through, making decisions “my way!,” poignant moments you wouldn’t trade for anything, fearful nights wondering where she/he is when your child is not home at curfew,  moments of extreme pride in how your child copes with life’s adversities, and arguments you never imagined you’d have. It can be kind of like a roller coaster leading to someplace you didn’t know you were going with twists and turns you can’t foresee till you’re right on them.

I don’t know who has a more difficult time with teen years, parents or kids.  It’s truly such an incredible time of growth, sharing, conflict and hope.  Every parent I’ve spoken with has his or her share of stories about challenging times they’ve had and wonderful times they’ve had.  It’s the nature of the time period.  Hormones are raging, increasing responsibilities are looming, kids think they know it all and deep down they know they haven’t that many clues so it’s scary to them, but they defend against their fears with defenses of, “I know it all” and “I don’t need you.” Remember they do need you.  They need you to be their parent, to be there for them, to set and keep appropriate limits, consequences and boundaries, even when they’re taller than you, and they need you to know they still love you even as they have to push back in that last senior year of High School so they can leave and be successful out there when you’re not around. But when they are around – they still need you, no matter what they say. Perhaps the key is learning how to be present but not in their face, and to be interested but not intrusive.  If you can keep all that in balance, you can enjoy your last years of being a full time parent.